Wednesday, March 25, 2015
I said stop
and I am not listening. Why? You said something that would not work out. I see you all laughing at me for my last word captcha and like it's true.
Had a Good Day Out
My dad came home and acted up. My day was almost perfect. 1 little thing and the experimenters act up.
Well, pray for a better day tomorrow..
I am worried about my addiction to post problems on here so much. Why were there problems?
Every day, you bother me.
I mean, yea, I can write some problems down. I just want things the way before my dad. :( I prayed for him yesterday, too.
I was only upset at the insults from Word Captchas coming at random. It was when it was a specific thing that bothered me. So, I talked it out. I can't do this. Something specific made a turn of events. My dad was like tailing me to ruin my good day. That's totally unacceptable. What is going on?
Well, pray for a better day tomorrow..
I am worried about my addiction to post problems on here so much. Why were there problems?
Every day, you bother me.
I mean, yea, I can write some problems down. I just want things the way before my dad. :( I prayed for him yesterday, too.
I was only upset at the insults from Word Captchas coming at random. It was when it was a specific thing that bothered me. So, I talked it out. I can't do this. Something specific made a turn of events. My dad was like tailing me to ruin my good day. That's totally unacceptable. What is going on?
Stop
They are trying to get at my future possible kid and ruin them. LEAVE ME ALONE. QUIT GETTING ME TO TALK T YOU.
Stop it.
Don't take someone from me cuz I was dealing with your meanness. I will not listen to you. You can't take away people from me. Why won't you stop? You just followed thru with something I didn't comment on.
I already said sorry
if I did anything.. what just happened? What's with you and the word captchas? This stuff would stick in my head. Bella doesn't sit here and do this all day. Why are you trying to stop me?
Problems
In the shower, I cut my fingernails today and they made the vent warble sooner. I feel like I have m********ed.
They said
scissors and there's something disgusting. What is this, party and insult me for my new relationship?
Upset
I just added a Glitches tag.
They acted like my dad's oldest sister chopped the bare space in front of my recording in Finnish singing so somehow I started singing right when it started to record. I posted this to some people online.
They acted like my dad's oldest sister chopped the bare space in front of my recording in Finnish singing so somehow I started singing right when it started to record. I posted this to some people online.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
What Can I Do for Penance?
Lock myself up? At least I thought not to get into this. I learned to ignore and solve. :/
I feel so bad.
I mean, my dad kept poking at me in a mad way. I can't believe I did this! I need to make a vow not to do this online. I followed each thing carefully and didn't go crazy but needed caps for expression. I understand if people don't like me. I don't need bad influence. I felt safe in reality, tho. It's just that online and sometimes in my head. I am annoyed about Bella because they are not being nice about her. They are supposed to be mean for Ellen. I disagree. It hurts and I'm not submitting. I don't know why she does this.
I'm really sorry..
..the amount of writing got out of hand. I figured it out.. I should just be quiet, which I was. I was disturbed by the secret messages. I just don't wanna talk about this stuff, in a way, but already "made my point my point."
Do you want to be bothered?
Do you want Bella following you around getting your attention? She has her own kind of attention.
This is my blog.
I need it for my mental health. Don't act like I was the one who had an episode. I still get what I had. Maybe not, maybe different for me. I don't want this to be a deciding factor of what wasn't meant to be. I see it's not but that it's harder. I didn't insult anyone. I see you wanna make it seem like it's over. I don't need to be glorified as s*** in the light of day, tho.
What about how my dad was able to startle me and make my brain cells die? I will not take that. You want it to be all about Bella. You did it right after I read she was picked up. I was trying to think about it or not, and you disrupted me. Then, you kept getting worse and I didn't feel I could ignore anything.
Stop making someone not talk to me or something. Or affecting someone to not like me and you go all out and can talk to them yourself.
Stop being silly. I will not accept it. I don't like your impersonations. Not all the time. No one does. There's something wrong. It just doesn't seem like these people. People have always got along with me. I don't see why you're doing this to get back out of jealousy. You're so silly. You think if we live in Orlando, everything has to be round or something.
I found my secret deep down was to get rid of Bella getting attention from people that me, Christina, meets. This is for me. You don't just go following me around. I can say no to her, just like you, for these things. I don't think she even wants to do it. It's not right to be mean to me, Ellen. "I don't know what you're smoking."
What about how my dad was able to startle me and make my brain cells die? I will not take that. You want it to be all about Bella. You did it right after I read she was picked up. I was trying to think about it or not, and you disrupted me. Then, you kept getting worse and I didn't feel I could ignore anything.
Stop making someone not talk to me or something. Or affecting someone to not like me and you go all out and can talk to them yourself.
Stop being silly. I will not accept it. I don't like your impersonations. Not all the time. No one does. There's something wrong. It just doesn't seem like these people. People have always got along with me. I don't see why you're doing this to get back out of jealousy. You're so silly. You think if we live in Orlando, everything has to be round or something.
I found my secret deep down was to get rid of Bella getting attention from people that me, Christina, meets. This is for me. You don't just go following me around. I can say no to her, just like you, for these things. I don't think she even wants to do it. It's not right to be mean to me, Ellen. "I don't know what you're smoking."
I want it to stop.
The messing with someone to take them from me and ruin them. I don't believe this is necessary. It's just your punishment, not a safety precaution.
You're Wrong
You're messed up. I wasn't talking to anyone specifically. Quit ruining my life and acting like I feel bad about what I say. It's terribly inconvenient, you Americans, that's for sure.
Problems
I can't have my dad in my life ruining everything. Don't escalate matters.
Stop saying someone won't do something.
You're the one who did something. I don't care what you say!
You can't tell someone what to do. All they're doing is listening to you. Stop acting like I'm a fool. I put work into solving my problems. Yours might never be solved.
Stop saying someone won't do something.
You're the one who did something. I don't care what you say!
You can't tell someone what to do. All they're doing is listening to you. Stop acting like I'm a fool. I put work into solving my problems. Yours might never be solved.
I'm serious.
This was all a bunch of s***. I can get a message at any time and not be able to report it.
"I Wonder as I Wander"
I was wondering if there was no reason to make a big deal of this, but I could not seem to figure it out.
Upset
Look, why'd you blow up and "go and have to change everything?" I just wanted to post what happened to me.
Something to Watch For
I walked like I was someone else upset when I was given a message going to the bathroom. I need to learn to deal with this. These attacks were hurtful I only capitalized to make a point.
Blame
Why do you blame me for what you did to Bella? I pointed Bella in a better direction. I need to shut up, tho. She doesn't talk to me but favorited a Tweet saying she should be sought out for something. She likes to relax and post pictures. She's a good, mature girl. I just don't really participate in your frolicking about her overtaking my life.
Look at what my dad did. He ruined the day.
Look at what my dad did. He ruined the day.
Well
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT ALL THESE WORTHLESS MESSAGES STUCK IN MY HEAD?
And I didn't do anything but address all the insults you spewed at me so the world can see.
And I didn't do anything but address all the insults you spewed at me so the world can see.
I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU!
They did something.. they are calling me future possible kids bad genes. Stop talking like that. They are associating things.. noodles
Just because I talk..
..does not mean I need a lesson to take things in stride. I am not all smiles right now. My dad ruined the day.
I SAID TO STOP
THEY ARE FLOODING ME WITH REPORTABLE INSULTS. I AM NOT TAKING ANY OF THAT! YOU'RE CRAZY!
QUIT FIGHTING ME
THEY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT ME BEING MY BROTHER AND HE'S THE OPPOSITE FOR SOME REASON
Don't Wanna
I don't wanna work this out for you. What if I got a message and was not at my computer??
Well
What's right about lodging in my head Bella Thorne forever and not me? You didn't? What's going on? I need details. I'm not bowling this one over.
I SAID STOP YOU BIG BABY
and I mean it. That me saying something means you change it for worse. You just can't stop, huh?
Problem
I need to get away from you and this computer. I said stop being mean cuz I'm talking it out.
They are playing with my brain and made a bear ear grow.
They are playing with my brain and made a bear ear grow.
What are you all?
You're just making me feel worthless. You said someone else got something just because I was talking. I don't think that's fair. You're spoiling someone like a brat.
Well..
Well, this is awkward. I don't like taking things in stride. I forget everything else about it in a way. I find this tacky.
OK
I'm cooled off in a way. I only wanted to say what happened to my head. And the details of the message. Focusing in a way on my head.. You all have me stressed, and my life means shit. I keep jogging. I just get told I'm fatter than a ballerina.
Big Problem
Like, get my dad to stop telling me I lost a relationship. They can't monitor me like that. "Get your hands off me." I can't be monitored like that all the time. Shit happens.
I already said..
..I didn't mind Bella getting attention and gave encouragement and you just knocked me out. I could call the police, tho.
I thought about not saying anything..
..but come on, my parents knocking my brain out? I'm not here to fight tooth and nail.
Issue
Why are you condoning good people? Making a complex message? Or getting away with a simple one.
I'm fine.
I was just a little sad to myself. I guess I got surprised by the new messages. Not that important.
Stop
doing stuff to me. I didn't just do something. You're always mean. You gotta stop. I can't make you, tho! You all are behind this.
Threats
They are getting nastier as nasty as possible. I'm not my parents. I'm me.
I'm just talking out what happened. I'm not gonna sit here like a lunk. You keep sending messages.
I'm just talking out what happened. I'm not gonna sit here like a lunk. You keep sending messages.
You're still a liar.
I didn't do anything. I have the freedom as anyone else. Quit making up my life to be a farce.
What's the point now?
We're not perfect? Trying to bribe me with weird things or just playing? That's fine, but as far as the pretending itself goes..
Upset
I'm tired of posting all this. You keep adding more problems. I read my dad that story, and I felt my forehead like it was hit after I read about Bella being picked up. It felt like it was dead.
Why are you making my life shitty?
Who for?
I mean, I get little messages that are so mean when I load the page. Maybe, its just the err.
I mean, I get little messages that are so mean when I load the page. Maybe, its just the err.
About That Joke
I'm sorry I called someone that. I think my little brother thought that was what I was. I thought it was funny they were a clown. I guess it's inappropriate context. Can you forgive me or don't care. The context was indirect and did not seem insulting but almost like a compliment.
Wait
There is a negative connotation I do not intend. I just mean no one does that. I don't know if you think it's because of her or what. She's like Gramma now to me. Not Mom. Some of you could have her as a Mom more easily.
Only Worry
That it's possible. But anything's possible. Not really.
You know, my dad lacks *logic and I don't know what he's doing paying attention to me. Wonder if I'm the exception to the rule and the rest of life is cool.
*I mean he lacks logic because he just is superstitious about me.
You know, my dad lacks *logic and I don't know what he's doing paying attention to me. Wonder if I'm the exception to the rule and the rest of life is cool.
*I mean he lacks logic because he just is superstitious about me.
What can I do?
They are still being mean to me, like nothing just happened and like I didn't say anything. Should this relationship be severed?
They said I have to be hypnotized but am good, but if you do I am not interested in you.
They said I have to be hypnotized but am good, but if you do I am not interested in you.
A Bad Idea..
I think my dad is uncomfortable and so is my oldest aunt about my new "relationship." They have to think I'm guilty. I don't hold to their thinking. I am a nice person, and if they are jealous I mean they should change themselves, but that's what they're afraid of doing. There are indeed good qualities to retain and intelligence not to erase!!
"Watcha Gonna Do When They Come for You"
Are you just gonna feed me no you can't have this relationship until I think of too many ideas to prove you wrong to waste time doing? This is like a job like a police. Why do you think I'm bad and deny my identity? Cuz I'm ugly? At least I'm smart or right.
So..
Who are you bugging me for?
I disagree with what I disagree with. I know it's a light-hearted joke. That's okay.. I just don't agree! Rule of thumb, don't stay mum. What exactly do you all do?
Why are you superstitious.. that's right I said it.. about me meeting new people when I'm in a bad mood? I wonder if they made me do that. I can't really argue it cuz I don't believe in taking relationships away from people just for something unrelated at the time nor at all for no purpose.
I disagree with what I disagree with. I know it's a light-hearted joke. That's okay.. I just don't agree! Rule of thumb, don't stay mum. What exactly do you all do?
Why are you superstitious.. that's right I said it.. about me meeting new people when I'm in a bad mood? I wonder if they made me do that. I can't really argue it cuz I don't believe in taking relationships away from people just for something unrelated at the time nor at all for no purpose.
Apology
A lot went down, but it comes and goes.
I love everyone. I have to remember to do that.
I feel as though someone found something against me.
It just makes me sad.
They put me in strange situations where I think I only need use common sense like everyone else.
I was upset once and tried to be forceful but not really bad. I think people are reading me in connotations. However, they needed to use it for something. I didn't mean anything bad. I'm sorry if you don't forgive me..
I love everyone. I have to remember to do that.
I feel as though someone found something against me.
It just makes me sad.
They put me in strange situations where I think I only need use common sense like everyone else.
I was upset once and tried to be forceful but not really bad. I think people are reading me in connotations. However, they needed to use it for something. I didn't mean anything bad. I'm sorry if you don't forgive me..
FIXED!
I fixed the mean posts and saved them from IMDb. To explain, I was wondering about Johnny Depp marrying Amber. I didn't post about this, but he seemed strange in public about why he did it. I wonder how lucky Amber feels. It's also a commitment maybe to marry someone who's as old as your dad or who could really be your dad.. I mean, tons of girls are jealous. I am sorry if this is a bad explanation. With Tim Burton, I was upset I thought he was calling me dumb and g** and saying someone was better than us, Bella Thorne. She sure is in our lives a lot. So, one reason I said her name. I hope explaining what happened isn't ruining it for him or something. I figured you'd want an explanation somehow. I thought Tim Burton was saying this cuz I looked at the names of what he was doing. They seemed coincidentially like hidden messages. Some people really have nothing better to do. I'm just saying that's why they do those things. I don't know if it makes sense. "You can't judge a book by its cover."
Leaving the Computer
I pray all goes well in the world and for people to make the best of things. I'll be back!
OK
So, I felt upset inside last night and thought of some words and by accident was thinking of someone else and didn't quite realize it, like in time. I dunno what it is, who all done what I commented about. I'm sorry, like I said yesterday. I've already said I'm not ready for this. People are so mean, and the words took place of my normal feelings. You all did it. So, sorry. You can shrink away from me or "whatever floats your boat."
Oh, and I think people did things to upset me. Sorry! About what they did. I mean, I dunno. It just seemed weird..
Oh, and I think people did things to upset me. Sorry! About what they did. I mean, I dunno. It just seemed weird..
Monday, March 23, 2015
Good night!
I pray all is well with everyone and to indeed focus on one's own health and life situation, seriously.. that we feel free to be ourselves, as well, and balance it out.
I gotta go to bed! Nite!
I gotta go to bed! Nite!
Worried
It seems Ellen ruined my life. The world hates me for cursing about the noises she put in my room. Bella Thorne seems different now in ways she shouldn't be. This hapened with Ellen, too. I like Ellen, but I guess maybe we're a cut above the average of what's on her show.
Message
I was sitting here a little "disturbed."
Come on, what's wrong with what I just said? :( I was sitting here a little "disturbed." Does this have to happen? I don't do anything wrong. I've been upset.
I'm sorry. I didn't say that much, just what I did when I saw something.. I saw some weird, graphic pictures on a link.
I hope it's okay I posted it. You're supposed to talk feelings out, and I minimized it for you. It is just to note I was sitting here in response feeling weird. I hate to think that that means something else happens I don't like. That doesn't happen all the time. Why now?
Okay, well, interesting, but I dunno if it had to be that way, f.y.i. See, a friendly post, at length explaining to you its purpose as you'd like to know. :( It looks too long. No attacking back, tho. Maybe, I didn't need to say it, but I mean other than you it doesn't matter. LOL. I mean like other people are more interested..
Come on, what's wrong with what I just said? :( I was sitting here a little "disturbed." Does this have to happen? I don't do anything wrong. I've been upset.
I'm sorry. I didn't say that much, just what I did when I saw something.. I saw some weird, graphic pictures on a link.
I hope it's okay I posted it. You're supposed to talk feelings out, and I minimized it for you. It is just to note I was sitting here in response feeling weird. I hate to think that that means something else happens I don't like. That doesn't happen all the time. Why now?
Okay, well, interesting, but I dunno if it had to be that way, f.y.i. See, a friendly post, at length explaining to you its purpose as you'd like to know. :( It looks too long. No attacking back, tho. Maybe, I didn't need to say it, but I mean other than you it doesn't matter. LOL. I mean like other people are more interested..
Guess what I just found out?
They literally think Bella is there to punish me, as tho I never deserved anything. I just typed a lot about it. Why get so upset? More? My point was they hvae 1 person so they could take my place, rather than 2 where no one would replace 1 person. Shouldn't we take a look at past people we met and start compatabilizing? Like, say how and how much of what and smile and stand pretty.. Or are you saying I can't meet anyone?
It was hard to talk about..
..Bella Thorne. I already said I want her to have the good relationships. I see you're doing it as a program. She is making us look bad, tho. Like, she acts funny about me being in trouble according to others. For her, she just isn't supposed to be mean. It is not good and looks bad. I realize you think maybe I'm picking on you for having her be that way. Well, maybe that is not a necessary/essential element to the point I'm proving. Supposedly, she won't listen. However, .. I forget. I don't know exactly what you want her to do. It's kinda fun. I just heard a complaint that I think she's not really gonna meet people and I am. That's pretty much the point you've tried to claim. If Bella can meet people, why is it so hard to get picked by a casting agency? I mean, why just Bella? I didn't say she can't do it and be #1. Is it cuz she's more attractive to you? I think she's really cute, but she's "up there" and I can't imagine being her friend cuz she's "too good for me." Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we meet people who aren't as famous and she should be able to meet them, too. It's true, they send me messages every day about Bella being better. It really hurts me cuz I love some poeple and sometimes they are constantly acting like there is not room for me because I'm bad and Bella -instead- is a punishment, like rather than Bella -also-. I keep feeling that that's the game, and if only we knew who all or how it got started. I go on in life, and it's just pushin more and more for Bella and less and less for me, when I haven't met anybody in real life. There are other people pushing at me not to have the relationships I have. The funny thing is they are just pretending in a way to punish me, and then I think they're being mean.. then you find they lied about wanting to meet them that they didn't have problems with others meeting them even.
So, I hope Bella is doing well and I pray that things keep going better and better for her. She is a sweet girl, and I love her so much! :) About involvement in what's going on in my life.. I did a lot of thinking here, but I guess more will come after I take this step.
So, I hope Bella is doing well and I pray that things keep going better and better for her. She is a sweet girl, and I love her so much! :) About involvement in what's going on in my life.. I did a lot of thinking here, but I guess more will come after I take this step.
My Problems the Rest of Today
I saw unusual things and I went out cuz I needed a jog but still these problems leaked thru. I accepted it finally to not think weird, upsetting things, words just came to me. Luckily, it wasn't like a lotta cursing. It was so annoying. I don't follow any of this. I mean that because I was typing before that I can always type.
My dad lies secret messages. I don't know what's controversial to admit to that. It just fits as something to talk about on this blog.
These people can't admit they're not perfect. They are cyclical and think that means they have a point.
So, I accepted upsetting messages. What happened to the good old days? I try to ignore what seem like messages.
If my dad believed I was good.. why is he taking things from me? I said, "Oh, no," when he came home from work while I was doing homework when I was 11, and since I've suffered a lot. I was just being friendly! Then, they turn on me and seem to say, like, "Well, you said you were being friendly." I wasn't needing to do it if they said stop.
Also, why is Bella Thorne following me around as I meet people? Why Bella and no one else, anyway, so that it's for her and not me?
I don't like to take messages "in stride."
I am disturbed my mom cannot see thru one eye. It also goes out a little. I keep asking when it will be better. I don't know why the surgery made it so she could not see thru it.
Well, I had a pretty good day at Disney. I just was upset a bit at the messages at home.
I understand the auto response to anything about Bella. I think a lotta people are jealous and a lotta people don't care. I feel as tho .. oh yes I was gonna say I understand she's a sensitive topic to you .. but I feel as tho it's just like inappropriate to try to take me away from relationships so it's only Bella. She doesn't really care if other people are with her, just me. Then, she'll turn it around as a lie and say it was cuz I'm in trouble. Well, I literally found I as already in trouble. Maybe, maybe not. I don't like the reserve I have to feel and feel it is inappropriate that you make her look silly/bad.. Life is only now. I don't know. Maybe, she has more than a lotta people. I guess if she could find a way to meet those people.. but I've had a hard time trying to conclude if Bella really likes all the people I meet and takes me away from those I like .. or the feeling for me dimishes some other way.. meaning the point is to not let me lead a calm life in a way. Like, when I went out .. I find you are feeding me fights all the time. Just to make sure that's what's going on. That's what I feel is happening, whether or not anyone knows or not.. I think Bella is important and if she's in the game in a way that she likes then good if that's true and possible. If it's tug-of-war always acting like I'm in trouble, that has nothing to do with Bella.
My mom acts like I'm bad, too, but I think it's her fault or my dad's fat genese I'm ugly. I might be worthless cuz when I went to the bathroom my female part stank. It must be from my dad. I wonder if he will ever re-adjust to like he was before. I wonder what made him flawed, like unhappliy fat yet not jolly in a certain way.
I think my pills make it hard for me to function and without them I can get craftily vicious. I'm worried I'll get sick and die. From the ever popular cancer. I need the kitchen. You know, I happen to wanna watch Cutthroat Kitchen, which is on I think at least once a week, and that's like all.
I don't like anyone acting like I need to be punished and like deserve nothing.
I feel no one responds and I keep getting attacked.
I pray for my dad's health, that he can function with those he's around well.
So, prayers for all and that all remain, well, calm and safe and make themselves happy without like just pigging out or anything like that.
Prayers for me that I learn my place but get peace of privacy whatever that may be. That the things that are wrong are righted, if anything can be done like that. I continue to beg about what I did at 11 not make people all happily like toot along that I'm worthless. I was just trying to have fun and wouldn't do it if he said not to. He just had to ask what was wrong.. like notice I was at my homework still or something maybe and didn't look happy. I dunno. I just feel so punished. Would erasing that still leave me cursing at the noises in my room? I'm so paranoid, that I say okay nothing's wrong, the punishment's wrong.. I will get argued at. Then what? Just keep on going? See, they don't tell me what they want, they just do it.
Prayers that things get better and I do not think bad things like I do now that I did not before.. which is a questionable thing I think. It seemed to start with experimenting on me.
Oh yes, and what's wrong with me feeling upset if I'm insulted so far as I'm not accepting being insulted so much.. who accepts that? What function is it? They are coded secret messages made to make me look bad. I don't stare someone down, I just get that bad feeling and get upset, and it feels like it's someone else's fault I exist.. I know I am not a presentable person and need to work out more, which I am now doing to a degree able.. With the new perseon, I need to respect our allusions to their moral convictions. How do I do that? I just kinda flinch. I will try to remember to be good and then ignore what upsets me that people act like that person would think or know. I don't know how this could go, but I'm feeling a bit dreary. I do not want to be selfish and understand if I never meet anyone. I admit I get upset at being told not to try in ways.
Oh, I am so tired. My legs. I am falling asleep. My body is shutting down. About that last paragraph, will try. I have things I've done wrong already. They might make me upset, but I will try.. try to remember. Any help? You can post on my forum or e-mail.
My dad lies secret messages. I don't know what's controversial to admit to that. It just fits as something to talk about on this blog.
These people can't admit they're not perfect. They are cyclical and think that means they have a point.
So, I accepted upsetting messages. What happened to the good old days? I try to ignore what seem like messages.
If my dad believed I was good.. why is he taking things from me? I said, "Oh, no," when he came home from work while I was doing homework when I was 11, and since I've suffered a lot. I was just being friendly! Then, they turn on me and seem to say, like, "Well, you said you were being friendly." I wasn't needing to do it if they said stop.
Also, why is Bella Thorne following me around as I meet people? Why Bella and no one else, anyway, so that it's for her and not me?
I don't like to take messages "in stride."
I am disturbed my mom cannot see thru one eye. It also goes out a little. I keep asking when it will be better. I don't know why the surgery made it so she could not see thru it.
Well, I had a pretty good day at Disney. I just was upset a bit at the messages at home.
I understand the auto response to anything about Bella. I think a lotta people are jealous and a lotta people don't care. I feel as tho .. oh yes I was gonna say I understand she's a sensitive topic to you .. but I feel as tho it's just like inappropriate to try to take me away from relationships so it's only Bella. She doesn't really care if other people are with her, just me. Then, she'll turn it around as a lie and say it was cuz I'm in trouble. Well, I literally found I as already in trouble. Maybe, maybe not. I don't like the reserve I have to feel and feel it is inappropriate that you make her look silly/bad.. Life is only now. I don't know. Maybe, she has more than a lotta people. I guess if she could find a way to meet those people.. but I've had a hard time trying to conclude if Bella really likes all the people I meet and takes me away from those I like .. or the feeling for me dimishes some other way.. meaning the point is to not let me lead a calm life in a way. Like, when I went out .. I find you are feeding me fights all the time. Just to make sure that's what's going on. That's what I feel is happening, whether or not anyone knows or not.. I think Bella is important and if she's in the game in a way that she likes then good if that's true and possible. If it's tug-of-war always acting like I'm in trouble, that has nothing to do with Bella.
My mom acts like I'm bad, too, but I think it's her fault or my dad's fat genese I'm ugly. I might be worthless cuz when I went to the bathroom my female part stank. It must be from my dad. I wonder if he will ever re-adjust to like he was before. I wonder what made him flawed, like unhappliy fat yet not jolly in a certain way.
I think my pills make it hard for me to function and without them I can get craftily vicious. I'm worried I'll get sick and die. From the ever popular cancer. I need the kitchen. You know, I happen to wanna watch Cutthroat Kitchen, which is on I think at least once a week, and that's like all.
I don't like anyone acting like I need to be punished and like deserve nothing.
I feel no one responds and I keep getting attacked.
I pray for my dad's health, that he can function with those he's around well.
So, prayers for all and that all remain, well, calm and safe and make themselves happy without like just pigging out or anything like that.
Prayers for me that I learn my place but get peace of privacy whatever that may be. That the things that are wrong are righted, if anything can be done like that. I continue to beg about what I did at 11 not make people all happily like toot along that I'm worthless. I was just trying to have fun and wouldn't do it if he said not to. He just had to ask what was wrong.. like notice I was at my homework still or something maybe and didn't look happy. I dunno. I just feel so punished. Would erasing that still leave me cursing at the noises in my room? I'm so paranoid, that I say okay nothing's wrong, the punishment's wrong.. I will get argued at. Then what? Just keep on going? See, they don't tell me what they want, they just do it.
Prayers that things get better and I do not think bad things like I do now that I did not before.. which is a questionable thing I think. It seemed to start with experimenting on me.
Oh yes, and what's wrong with me feeling upset if I'm insulted so far as I'm not accepting being insulted so much.. who accepts that? What function is it? They are coded secret messages made to make me look bad. I don't stare someone down, I just get that bad feeling and get upset, and it feels like it's someone else's fault I exist.. I know I am not a presentable person and need to work out more, which I am now doing to a degree able.. With the new perseon, I need to respect our allusions to their moral convictions. How do I do that? I just kinda flinch. I will try to remember to be good and then ignore what upsets me that people act like that person would think or know. I don't know how this could go, but I'm feeling a bit dreary. I do not want to be selfish and understand if I never meet anyone. I admit I get upset at being told not to try in ways.
Oh, I am so tired. My legs. I am falling asleep. My body is shutting down. About that last paragraph, will try. I have things I've done wrong already. They might make me upset, but I will try.. try to remember. Any help? You can post on my forum or e-mail.
Cursing
I thought of a word, but I corrected it. I have no reason to curse, and I figured a thought process. I like to do it to be funny, and saying out loud is a personal choice.
To Clarify
A main point now.. I want Bella with this new person. She can be her special someone. I must admit we must all have different kinds of #1s.
My Dad
I don't think I was outright mean. It just is bad, tho, to say. It does seem mentally insane.
Out
I hope the kids and all still had fun with their new favorite person.. unless they decided not to.
Out
I hope the kids and all still had fun with their new favorite person.. unless they decided not to.
Changing TV Shows for Now Maybe
Phil and Ellen.. I like seeing Ellen each day but not the movie stars.. I still like Phil, too. I might watch Cutthroat Kitchen. I dunno tho.. might go to school or work. My hobby is singing and posting online.. I need to be in, too, in what I do. I need to grow up, too. I may come back Ellen and Phil.
Apology
When I said it was't worth it I meant in a way you might not have thought.. I wouldn't say it in another certain way. So sorry.
Apology
I think I was surprised this morning.. I need to do something about my chemistry. Nothing else happened. I was wondering what's all this for me.. I tried to express myself right.
Apologies
I'm out but see I've said some controversial things. I might have to look it up. I did explain it but sorry could still be seen disagreeably.
K
Don't know what's going on but have feelings for others. I am not sure if I was just "thinking out loud." I don't like.. I forget.
How I am Affected
I am hurt and allowed to tell. I am mad but trying not to be mean, but what do I get? I am not a slave and not difficult. I do not believe you have reason to follow me around in order to be mean. I do not need punishment. It's annoying and suggestive and I can talk about it. So, people, it seems like an issue. Don't tell me I am bad to say -what you did-. :( I just say what you did and I forget what else I was going to say. You seem to find negativity necessary to me.
Mean Messages
I told you not to send me these mean messages. I'm getting things rubbed in and said pervertedly..
What are you gonna do cuz I said not to send the mean messages?
I don't like thinking like this.. You keep being mean to me. You are nitpicky and make things up. You are involved in my life in a mean way.
Bugged
Someone is bugging me for what I said about Johnny Depp. I was gonna change it, but I was being honest. He did something. This person is changed. I don't mind if they don't wanna talk but they suggested I did. I can't lose people, neither. I bet it's just cuza me saying Johnny Depp did something wrong. You can't tell them to do that.. I need people to talk to, too. This person is a loss, too. Wouldn't you agree it makes no sense?
Also, I don't like suggested what they think I have to do with my dad. I am not connected to him. This was 1 big, false, mean statement someone may have all rolled into 1. Thanks so much for ruining my life, Ellen, insteada helping me out. :( I don't mean to be mean, but that's how it is. Ellen was scared of my dad and then things got worse. So, it was almost like an accident it seems.
This is all very suggestive. I don't want it to be just my dad on the other end, too. I do not know who all did it. I think it's not nice to act like I was the one who was nasty. I did not deserve to need to be sheltered!
I don't know if I said anything wrong..
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Sorry
if anything went wrong. I just am trying to stay at a good balance in life so I don't explode. I know what I can and can't do. I am being pushed to feel bad and sometimes little bad things come up.. more things happen, too..
Well, it's about that time.
I found it healthy to talk out my problems some but hope everyone is getting what they want and that things for them work out.
Nite soon.
Nite soon.
Upset
I feel a lotta double messages for my Grandma. I'm sorry to say, but this better stop.
I forget what else I was here to say.
And don't act like I'm bad cuz I said, "Oh, no," when my dad came home when I was doing homework.
I forget what else I was here to say.
And don't act like I'm bad cuz I said, "Oh, no," when my dad came home when I was doing homework.
I'm tired
of your leaking mean things to me. This one says Bella is better, but that's not nice and in that way is not true. You all are just attacking me and if you attacked her she'd be prepared but no better.
I know you're leaking these things on purpose from Ginny Kopf. She started off going haywire about if she acted like she was saying something that wasn't true. What you say has nothing to back it up, just an idea.
I know you're leaking these things on purpose from Ginny Kopf. She started off going haywire about if she acted like she was saying something that wasn't true. What you say has nothing to back it up, just an idea.
Stop mistreating me.
Don't make up stuff about what you think I really mean.
I mean that I'm being treated funnily, and I want to report it here.
I'm just wondering what's going on. It seems I'm just in the doghouse cuz Ellen says so. She sometimes is mean on the show to me and so is Dr. Phil but not really you know tho don't mind him.
It's funny what goes on. This isn't a heyday for losers to rule. I am not uncomfortable to be myself. I feel my dad wants me dead. I said, "Oh, no," when he came home from work while doing homework.
I mean that I'm being treated funnily, and I want to report it here.
I'm just wondering what's going on. It seems I'm just in the doghouse cuz Ellen says so. She sometimes is mean on the show to me and so is Dr. Phil but not really you know tho don't mind him.
It's funny what goes on. This isn't a heyday for losers to rule. I am not uncomfortable to be myself. I feel my dad wants me dead. I said, "Oh, no," when he came home from work while doing homework.
I don't like this "we" stuff with my dad
but I didn't say to stop.
This "we" to do with my life. It's like a m******** feeling.
This "we" to do with my life. It's like a m******** feeling.
I see you've found it upon yourself
to be really mean and say for posting what Johnny Depp did that was wrong meant my future possible daughter was up in a sack.
Why are you going psycho?
I am biding my time saying I will remove my comment. I just spoke the truth. No one was in line, so I wasn't thinking as much ad decided to just add edits rather than replacing what I said.
Why are you going psycho?
I am biding my time saying I will remove my comment. I just spoke the truth. No one was in line, so I wasn't thinking as much ad decided to just add edits rather than replacing what I said.
Controlled
Well, I already announced I am closing up and cannot take it. I don't know if you can stop me from having a relationship without doing something weird. I think my dad was the one who was uncomfortable in ways.. I admit I am just here in my hole. I'm reserving, too.
Did you know older kids
were supported for being mean, like having a huge major attitude all the time? Why is everyone tearing my life apart?
Well, you did take..
..my rights away.
I'm not the one fighting and attacking. You all attacked me. Why am I always guilty-can't accept you made a mistake?
I'm not the one fighting and attacking. You all attacked me. Why am I always guilty-can't accept you made a mistake?
Ya'll're honestly..
..just trying to make me feel bad. I don't "take things in stride."
I see you are worried it's right in some way and something could happen by accident, but I'm not taboo, the underside of a ladder, nor a black cat. Things were never like this.
I see you are worried it's right in some way and something could happen by accident, but I'm not taboo, the underside of a ladder, nor a black cat. Things were never like this.
Upset
I saw Johnny Depp might have married someone to punish us, and I think someone doesn't like me anymore cuz I said that. He told them to do that. I don't care why, same with his "marriage." She's too young. She could still be a friend. I don't mean to be mean, but I would rather just be a friend myself.
I don't like the nitpickiness because of something I did in a hard situation that might have been the right thing to do.
I don't like the nitpickiness because of something I did in a hard situation that might have been the right thing to do.
I also don't take to..
..all these people trying to always make me feel like they have things under control and not me, like thought police.. it's freakish.
I don't really appreciate..
..the pictures of people staring me down for Bella. Why is she up in my blog? Is she trying to say she's better than me and take everything I happen to like? It's driving me crazy. I bet Ellen thinks it's funny partly, but I don't. It's not like that's what's happening to her. I'm conerned Ellen told her to do it. It looks like an agreement, but I'm worried Bella is not really having the time of her life.
What's Happening
People are presenting me with reminders of people other than who I'm interested in now, like to get me to confess. That is "cruel and unusual."
More to Talk Out
I don't like the way I have to confront people being sneaky and nitpicky. What else was I gonna say?
I dunno. I need a healthy life socially and mentally.
Oh yes, I think we can agree to disagree. I don't know for sure if there is someone out there hunting me down to knock out every relationship whilst building stress on me. I don't like break things and stopped getting mad, whether or not that is healthy, but I'd be too too mad not just healthy mad. They said thoughts count. They didn't really say anything about me blogging except my mentioning Ellen, which I can't listen to whatever anyone says. There was no coherent agreement. And sometimes I get upset by accident, like everyone else. You still have relationships. Other people still have relationships..
I dunno. I need a healthy life socially and mentally.
Oh yes, I think we can agree to disagree. I don't know for sure if there is someone out there hunting me down to knock out every relationship whilst building stress on me. I don't like break things and stopped getting mad, whether or not that is healthy, but I'd be too too mad not just healthy mad. They said thoughts count. They didn't really say anything about me blogging except my mentioning Ellen, which I can't listen to whatever anyone says. There was no coherent agreement. And sometimes I get upset by accident, like everyone else. You still have relationships. Other people still have relationships..
Moreover
It's illogical and makes no sense. It's not cute, and no one agrees. This is stress. You'll be sorry.
No offense..
With stress comes people with health problems.
No offense..
With stress comes people with health problems.
I can't have this.
People all around think I lost a relationships, and shit isn't fun. I will never listen to any of you on this, that I lose a relationship and get teased about it, hinting your mercy is nonexistent, if I do something you think is game for it. I can't go on forever without arguing a point or getting a little upset in this world. I'm sure you can't help it, neither.
I will make an effort to live as best I can.
I will make an effort to live as best I can.
Sorry for the Misunderstanding Before
It shouldn't seem like a strange thought to formulate. Maybe it wasn't so.
Something to Poke At
Oh yes, I thought it was funny if I met someone that someone else has to take them away.
Prayer
I hope Bella is feeling well and having fun if she's doing it.
I dunno what she really wants. Maybe, I should dedicate positivity of posts to her. I don't know if she cares, tho. She's still young, too.
I dunno what she really wants. Maybe, I should dedicate positivity of posts to her. I don't know if she cares, tho. She's still young, too.
Who do you feel sorry for?
People who seem upset and ugly in some way or people who see the glass as half full and are more successful with looks in some way?
Like, do you think that if there are unhappy people, that someone could have helped?
Something made me think this. It's a topic that needs explored, too.
Pretty much anything that upsets a person. It doesn't mean you can randomly say someone else did it.
Like, do you think that if there are unhappy people, that someone could have helped?
Something made me think this. It's a topic that needs explored, too.
Pretty much anything that upsets a person. It doesn't mean you can randomly say someone else did it.
I'd rather be..
..helped not to do something wrong than pay a consequence for something I don't believe in.
Something Bothering Both of Us
I do want Bella to be #1, as I do anyone. It's only right.. :| I'm not #1, but I can be #1 to myself.
Anyway, what happened was it was like something was for me and then it wasn't but for Bella. She was pointing her finger on the DUFF poster to the bottom of her thigh looking like she deserved all the attention because maybe she didn't get enough. You know, that's a good thing to know. She doesn't talk to people, tho, so. I just felt like I did something wrong and guess the next steo is to know what it is. I do want Bella to be #1. I don't mean her #1 me #2. One of many #1s, I guess, but she thinks she needs to be the only #1 and push me down "deep inside."
Anyway, what happened was it was like something was for me and then it wasn't but for Bella. She was pointing her finger on the DUFF poster to the bottom of her thigh looking like she deserved all the attention because maybe she didn't get enough. You know, that's a good thing to know. She doesn't talk to people, tho, so. I just felt like I did something wrong and guess the next steo is to know what it is. I do want Bella to be #1. I don't mean her #1 me #2. One of many #1s, I guess, but she thinks she needs to be the only #1 and push me down "deep inside."
Lotta New Problems
Every day, I get signs of Bella Thorne with someone I just met I like, instead.
It's hard to remember the other problems.
I was wondering why Bella Thorne landed in Hollywood and not me. People have always said I put forth much effort and would succeed at anything I put my mind to. Lotta people have gone on before me without perfect weight, as well. I'm on pills that affect my digestion. It's not fair. I'm stuck with my parents being the one who does nothing in the world other than posting online from where we live in Orlando.
Oh yes, I get told no about this person I met just because I post about my problems online, still.
Also, Bella wants this person to be her mom. I just find this irrelevent to the truth. She just looks for who I meet and takes them away. What if it is important? I see my reputation is being minimized.
I just realized Ellen started putting Bella before me, 1st. So, it's her fault mostly. Why do you all listen and follow? It doesn't sit well. I am well-resepcted online now.
I also had a point that Bella looks tacky in the secret messages doing this. I want what's best for a sweet girl like her. You all are just trying to keep me from living a successful, normal life.
Disclaimer: No offense, stating the facts and formulating innocent opinions.
I do want her to do this with this person. You do it in a way that makes no sense, and that's final! Maybe, some of you are innocent in your injections. I don't see why this has to be done to hurt me and then I go post about it. Nothing wrong on my part. I came in the front door, and my dad got upset it seemed with me being happy. I don't like him close like that. I have an after-feeling, even after showering, that he was handing me and maybe ruining that person we like. People are also being smart alec with me trying to make a point that Britney Spears wants to sound like she's from Florida and sounds raspy in the same way as Bella Thorne. I also noticed they both landed a job in Disney dancing. I put Likes on my Facebook of this nearby, and people on the streets know I did it somehow.. I think it's funny, you get justice and say what you really think and feel about Britney Spears. Orlando is on a leash. They think everything should be better for and for Bella Thorne. They're mad at me for the mere suggestion she'd have pretty green eyes with her once red hair. I didn't say it had to be that way! Oh, and they are also pretending this person is pregnant with Bella..
Again, no offense, just talking out what's been going on. I feel I never end when I take credit for what I said. This is what they are doing, not me whining. It's important stuff to solve in my famliy life, as well. We'll see what I say a little later on, too. Not sure where to go with this at the moment. It's pretty long, too. I tend to overexplain myself. There just isn't much going on that's that important, otherwise.
It's hard to remember the other problems.
I was wondering why Bella Thorne landed in Hollywood and not me. People have always said I put forth much effort and would succeed at anything I put my mind to. Lotta people have gone on before me without perfect weight, as well. I'm on pills that affect my digestion. It's not fair. I'm stuck with my parents being the one who does nothing in the world other than posting online from where we live in Orlando.
Oh yes, I get told no about this person I met just because I post about my problems online, still.
Also, Bella wants this person to be her mom. I just find this irrelevent to the truth. She just looks for who I meet and takes them away. What if it is important? I see my reputation is being minimized.
I just realized Ellen started putting Bella before me, 1st. So, it's her fault mostly. Why do you all listen and follow? It doesn't sit well. I am well-resepcted online now.
I also had a point that Bella looks tacky in the secret messages doing this. I want what's best for a sweet girl like her. You all are just trying to keep me from living a successful, normal life.
Disclaimer: No offense, stating the facts and formulating innocent opinions.
I do want her to do this with this person. You do it in a way that makes no sense, and that's final! Maybe, some of you are innocent in your injections. I don't see why this has to be done to hurt me and then I go post about it. Nothing wrong on my part. I came in the front door, and my dad got upset it seemed with me being happy. I don't like him close like that. I have an after-feeling, even after showering, that he was handing me and maybe ruining that person we like. People are also being smart alec with me trying to make a point that Britney Spears wants to sound like she's from Florida and sounds raspy in the same way as Bella Thorne. I also noticed they both landed a job in Disney dancing. I put Likes on my Facebook of this nearby, and people on the streets know I did it somehow.. I think it's funny, you get justice and say what you really think and feel about Britney Spears. Orlando is on a leash. They think everything should be better for and for Bella Thorne. They're mad at me for the mere suggestion she'd have pretty green eyes with her once red hair. I didn't say it had to be that way! Oh, and they are also pretending this person is pregnant with Bella..
Again, no offense, just talking out what's been going on. I feel I never end when I take credit for what I said. This is what they are doing, not me whining. It's important stuff to solve in my famliy life, as well. We'll see what I say a little later on, too. Not sure where to go with this at the moment. It's pretty long, too. I tend to overexplain myself. There just isn't much going on that's that important, otherwise.
Before
Things weren't like this.
It's a terrible inconvenience to be suggested to inappropriate topics of insult, topics that don't exist but become topics.
There's no saying stay mum but stay safe.
It's a terrible inconvenience to be suggested to inappropriate topics of insult, topics that don't exist but become topics.
There's no saying stay mum but stay safe.
Sensitive Girls
Those girls who raise an eyebrow at misbehavior themselves root in regret and failure to be nice.
"Funny and Fine"
Isn't it interesting how some people are off all happy they have nothing to worry about and you know they're just lucky compared to you?
Attitude
I was the one being wronged, and no one's perfect. A better attitude would have won things over. I guess I am still here posting the same stuff.
I think I figured it out.
Always interesting. I think Ellen and all said Bella cannot act like she is better than anyone but me. Isn't that funny?
She thinks she can treat me like I'm in jail, like stalking me. I don't think it's like that with other people in a related situation. Like a social jail. That she tells people what to do. I'm not trying to be mean, just wondering if it's true. She acts like it's not sometimes, but since she also does I don't believe it, that's why. It's consumed my life, so I make a friendly little post about it.
She thinks she can treat me like I'm in jail, like stalking me. I don't think it's like that with other people in a related situation. Like a social jail. That she tells people what to do. I'm not trying to be mean, just wondering if it's true. She acts like it's not sometimes, but since she also does I don't believe it, that's why. It's consumed my life, so I make a friendly little post about it.
Moreover
I have a therapist who can check my blog and help more easily. Should this be like the "Help" blog?
Wrong Deed Doing
So, what do you think of me listening to denial every 5 minutes?
You shouldn't be taking away relationships if I do something wrong. It's not like I need ot be pulled off the streets with a gang.
As to what I did, I had to write my feelings. It might have seemed like a rampage, but I think things were running like that already, the quantity.
I dunno, I guess I still am messed up and need to talk about things. I know Dr. Phil would approve. I try to limit the amount and nature, tho, and when I say someone's name not to full out point at them in a mean way.
Also, say I stole my parents's car. Maybe, you could consider a harsh punishment, but no one gets their relationships severed. If they go to jail, they visit.
You shouldn't be taking away relationships if I do something wrong. It's not like I need ot be pulled off the streets with a gang.
As to what I did, I had to write my feelings. It might have seemed like a rampage, but I think things were running like that already, the quantity.
I dunno, I guess I still am messed up and need to talk about things. I know Dr. Phil would approve. I try to limit the amount and nature, tho, and when I say someone's name not to full out point at them in a mean way.
Also, say I stole my parents's car. Maybe, you could consider a harsh punishment, but no one gets their relationships severed. If they go to jail, they visit.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Why does everybody hate me?
I said, "Oh, no," when my dad came home from work when I was doing homework at 11 one week. He didn't say anything. I need to live my life.
I noticed it's not there, anymore.
I was a success, but I was gossiped about and attacked in private with secret messages. Now, it's like Ellen made it so I'm not a #1. If she brushes aside the fact she did it does not make sense.
Apology
When I said why does it matter about this interesting closeness of someone else, I meant it in an abstract definition. I mean, everyone matters.
I hope I hurt on one's feelings. I accept if you are upset with me, but I didn't mean it. I want you to have fun being close alone or in public.
I hope I hurt on one's feelings. I accept if you are upset with me, but I didn't mean it. I want you to have fun being close alone or in public.
Alright
Do you think my life is alright? I can never relax. My parents. The world, too. "It's a vicious cycle."
Criminals
I'm tired. I don't have that stretch of energy to keep myself occupied. I bet my parents made it so I could not concentrate in school for something I did. I said, "Oh, no," when my dad came home while doing homework. The noises in the kitchen made me tired.
That's just a problem. No one is hurting my parents.
That's just a problem. No one is hurting my parents.
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