I pray all is well with everyone and to indeed focus on one's own health and life situation, seriously.. that we feel free to be ourselves, as well, and balance it out.
I gotta go to bed! Nite!
Monday, March 23, 2015
Message
I was sitting here a little "disturbed."
Come on, what's wrong with what I just said? :( I was sitting here a little "disturbed." Does this have to happen? I don't do anything wrong. I've been upset.
I'm sorry. I didn't say that much, just what I did when I saw something.. I saw some weird, graphic pictures on a link.
I hope it's okay I posted it. You're supposed to talk feelings out, and I minimized it for you. It is just to note I was sitting here in response feeling weird. I hate to think that that means something else happens I don't like. That doesn't happen all the time. Why now?
Okay, well, interesting, but I dunno if it had to be that way, f.y.i. See, a friendly post, at length explaining to you its purpose as you'd like to know. :( It looks too long. No attacking back, tho. Maybe, I didn't need to say it, but I mean other than you it doesn't matter. LOL. I mean like other people are more interested..
Come on, what's wrong with what I just said? :( I was sitting here a little "disturbed." Does this have to happen? I don't do anything wrong. I've been upset.
I'm sorry. I didn't say that much, just what I did when I saw something.. I saw some weird, graphic pictures on a link.
I hope it's okay I posted it. You're supposed to talk feelings out, and I minimized it for you. It is just to note I was sitting here in response feeling weird. I hate to think that that means something else happens I don't like. That doesn't happen all the time. Why now?
Okay, well, interesting, but I dunno if it had to be that way, f.y.i. See, a friendly post, at length explaining to you its purpose as you'd like to know. :( It looks too long. No attacking back, tho. Maybe, I didn't need to say it, but I mean other than you it doesn't matter. LOL. I mean like other people are more interested..
Guess what I just found out?
They literally think Bella is there to punish me, as tho I never deserved anything. I just typed a lot about it. Why get so upset? More? My point was they hvae 1 person so they could take my place, rather than 2 where no one would replace 1 person. Shouldn't we take a look at past people we met and start compatabilizing? Like, say how and how much of what and smile and stand pretty.. Or are you saying I can't meet anyone?
It was hard to talk about..
..Bella Thorne. I already said I want her to have the good relationships. I see you're doing it as a program. She is making us look bad, tho. Like, she acts funny about me being in trouble according to others. For her, she just isn't supposed to be mean. It is not good and looks bad. I realize you think maybe I'm picking on you for having her be that way. Well, maybe that is not a necessary/essential element to the point I'm proving. Supposedly, she won't listen. However, .. I forget. I don't know exactly what you want her to do. It's kinda fun. I just heard a complaint that I think she's not really gonna meet people and I am. That's pretty much the point you've tried to claim. If Bella can meet people, why is it so hard to get picked by a casting agency? I mean, why just Bella? I didn't say she can't do it and be #1. Is it cuz she's more attractive to you? I think she's really cute, but she's "up there" and I can't imagine being her friend cuz she's "too good for me." Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we meet people who aren't as famous and she should be able to meet them, too. It's true, they send me messages every day about Bella being better. It really hurts me cuz I love some poeple and sometimes they are constantly acting like there is not room for me because I'm bad and Bella -instead- is a punishment, like rather than Bella -also-. I keep feeling that that's the game, and if only we knew who all or how it got started. I go on in life, and it's just pushin more and more for Bella and less and less for me, when I haven't met anybody in real life. There are other people pushing at me not to have the relationships I have. The funny thing is they are just pretending in a way to punish me, and then I think they're being mean.. then you find they lied about wanting to meet them that they didn't have problems with others meeting them even.
So, I hope Bella is doing well and I pray that things keep going better and better for her. She is a sweet girl, and I love her so much! :) About involvement in what's going on in my life.. I did a lot of thinking here, but I guess more will come after I take this step.
So, I hope Bella is doing well and I pray that things keep going better and better for her. She is a sweet girl, and I love her so much! :) About involvement in what's going on in my life.. I did a lot of thinking here, but I guess more will come after I take this step.
My Problems the Rest of Today
I saw unusual things and I went out cuz I needed a jog but still these problems leaked thru. I accepted it finally to not think weird, upsetting things, words just came to me. Luckily, it wasn't like a lotta cursing. It was so annoying. I don't follow any of this. I mean that because I was typing before that I can always type.
My dad lies secret messages. I don't know what's controversial to admit to that. It just fits as something to talk about on this blog.
These people can't admit they're not perfect. They are cyclical and think that means they have a point.
So, I accepted upsetting messages. What happened to the good old days? I try to ignore what seem like messages.
If my dad believed I was good.. why is he taking things from me? I said, "Oh, no," when he came home from work while I was doing homework when I was 11, and since I've suffered a lot. I was just being friendly! Then, they turn on me and seem to say, like, "Well, you said you were being friendly." I wasn't needing to do it if they said stop.
Also, why is Bella Thorne following me around as I meet people? Why Bella and no one else, anyway, so that it's for her and not me?
I don't like to take messages "in stride."
I am disturbed my mom cannot see thru one eye. It also goes out a little. I keep asking when it will be better. I don't know why the surgery made it so she could not see thru it.
Well, I had a pretty good day at Disney. I just was upset a bit at the messages at home.
I understand the auto response to anything about Bella. I think a lotta people are jealous and a lotta people don't care. I feel as tho .. oh yes I was gonna say I understand she's a sensitive topic to you .. but I feel as tho it's just like inappropriate to try to take me away from relationships so it's only Bella. She doesn't really care if other people are with her, just me. Then, she'll turn it around as a lie and say it was cuz I'm in trouble. Well, I literally found I as already in trouble. Maybe, maybe not. I don't like the reserve I have to feel and feel it is inappropriate that you make her look silly/bad.. Life is only now. I don't know. Maybe, she has more than a lotta people. I guess if she could find a way to meet those people.. but I've had a hard time trying to conclude if Bella really likes all the people I meet and takes me away from those I like .. or the feeling for me dimishes some other way.. meaning the point is to not let me lead a calm life in a way. Like, when I went out .. I find you are feeding me fights all the time. Just to make sure that's what's going on. That's what I feel is happening, whether or not anyone knows or not.. I think Bella is important and if she's in the game in a way that she likes then good if that's true and possible. If it's tug-of-war always acting like I'm in trouble, that has nothing to do with Bella.
My mom acts like I'm bad, too, but I think it's her fault or my dad's fat genese I'm ugly. I might be worthless cuz when I went to the bathroom my female part stank. It must be from my dad. I wonder if he will ever re-adjust to like he was before. I wonder what made him flawed, like unhappliy fat yet not jolly in a certain way.
I think my pills make it hard for me to function and without them I can get craftily vicious. I'm worried I'll get sick and die. From the ever popular cancer. I need the kitchen. You know, I happen to wanna watch Cutthroat Kitchen, which is on I think at least once a week, and that's like all.
I don't like anyone acting like I need to be punished and like deserve nothing.
I feel no one responds and I keep getting attacked.
I pray for my dad's health, that he can function with those he's around well.
So, prayers for all and that all remain, well, calm and safe and make themselves happy without like just pigging out or anything like that.
Prayers for me that I learn my place but get peace of privacy whatever that may be. That the things that are wrong are righted, if anything can be done like that. I continue to beg about what I did at 11 not make people all happily like toot along that I'm worthless. I was just trying to have fun and wouldn't do it if he said not to. He just had to ask what was wrong.. like notice I was at my homework still or something maybe and didn't look happy. I dunno. I just feel so punished. Would erasing that still leave me cursing at the noises in my room? I'm so paranoid, that I say okay nothing's wrong, the punishment's wrong.. I will get argued at. Then what? Just keep on going? See, they don't tell me what they want, they just do it.
Prayers that things get better and I do not think bad things like I do now that I did not before.. which is a questionable thing I think. It seemed to start with experimenting on me.
Oh yes, and what's wrong with me feeling upset if I'm insulted so far as I'm not accepting being insulted so much.. who accepts that? What function is it? They are coded secret messages made to make me look bad. I don't stare someone down, I just get that bad feeling and get upset, and it feels like it's someone else's fault I exist.. I know I am not a presentable person and need to work out more, which I am now doing to a degree able.. With the new perseon, I need to respect our allusions to their moral convictions. How do I do that? I just kinda flinch. I will try to remember to be good and then ignore what upsets me that people act like that person would think or know. I don't know how this could go, but I'm feeling a bit dreary. I do not want to be selfish and understand if I never meet anyone. I admit I get upset at being told not to try in ways.
Oh, I am so tired. My legs. I am falling asleep. My body is shutting down. About that last paragraph, will try. I have things I've done wrong already. They might make me upset, but I will try.. try to remember. Any help? You can post on my forum or e-mail.
My dad lies secret messages. I don't know what's controversial to admit to that. It just fits as something to talk about on this blog.
These people can't admit they're not perfect. They are cyclical and think that means they have a point.
So, I accepted upsetting messages. What happened to the good old days? I try to ignore what seem like messages.
If my dad believed I was good.. why is he taking things from me? I said, "Oh, no," when he came home from work while I was doing homework when I was 11, and since I've suffered a lot. I was just being friendly! Then, they turn on me and seem to say, like, "Well, you said you were being friendly." I wasn't needing to do it if they said stop.
Also, why is Bella Thorne following me around as I meet people? Why Bella and no one else, anyway, so that it's for her and not me?
I don't like to take messages "in stride."
I am disturbed my mom cannot see thru one eye. It also goes out a little. I keep asking when it will be better. I don't know why the surgery made it so she could not see thru it.
Well, I had a pretty good day at Disney. I just was upset a bit at the messages at home.
I understand the auto response to anything about Bella. I think a lotta people are jealous and a lotta people don't care. I feel as tho .. oh yes I was gonna say I understand she's a sensitive topic to you .. but I feel as tho it's just like inappropriate to try to take me away from relationships so it's only Bella. She doesn't really care if other people are with her, just me. Then, she'll turn it around as a lie and say it was cuz I'm in trouble. Well, I literally found I as already in trouble. Maybe, maybe not. I don't like the reserve I have to feel and feel it is inappropriate that you make her look silly/bad.. Life is only now. I don't know. Maybe, she has more than a lotta people. I guess if she could find a way to meet those people.. but I've had a hard time trying to conclude if Bella really likes all the people I meet and takes me away from those I like .. or the feeling for me dimishes some other way.. meaning the point is to not let me lead a calm life in a way. Like, when I went out .. I find you are feeding me fights all the time. Just to make sure that's what's going on. That's what I feel is happening, whether or not anyone knows or not.. I think Bella is important and if she's in the game in a way that she likes then good if that's true and possible. If it's tug-of-war always acting like I'm in trouble, that has nothing to do with Bella.
My mom acts like I'm bad, too, but I think it's her fault or my dad's fat genese I'm ugly. I might be worthless cuz when I went to the bathroom my female part stank. It must be from my dad. I wonder if he will ever re-adjust to like he was before. I wonder what made him flawed, like unhappliy fat yet not jolly in a certain way.
I think my pills make it hard for me to function and without them I can get craftily vicious. I'm worried I'll get sick and die. From the ever popular cancer. I need the kitchen. You know, I happen to wanna watch Cutthroat Kitchen, which is on I think at least once a week, and that's like all.
I don't like anyone acting like I need to be punished and like deserve nothing.
I feel no one responds and I keep getting attacked.
I pray for my dad's health, that he can function with those he's around well.
So, prayers for all and that all remain, well, calm and safe and make themselves happy without like just pigging out or anything like that.
Prayers for me that I learn my place but get peace of privacy whatever that may be. That the things that are wrong are righted, if anything can be done like that. I continue to beg about what I did at 11 not make people all happily like toot along that I'm worthless. I was just trying to have fun and wouldn't do it if he said not to. He just had to ask what was wrong.. like notice I was at my homework still or something maybe and didn't look happy. I dunno. I just feel so punished. Would erasing that still leave me cursing at the noises in my room? I'm so paranoid, that I say okay nothing's wrong, the punishment's wrong.. I will get argued at. Then what? Just keep on going? See, they don't tell me what they want, they just do it.
Prayers that things get better and I do not think bad things like I do now that I did not before.. which is a questionable thing I think. It seemed to start with experimenting on me.
Oh yes, and what's wrong with me feeling upset if I'm insulted so far as I'm not accepting being insulted so much.. who accepts that? What function is it? They are coded secret messages made to make me look bad. I don't stare someone down, I just get that bad feeling and get upset, and it feels like it's someone else's fault I exist.. I know I am not a presentable person and need to work out more, which I am now doing to a degree able.. With the new perseon, I need to respect our allusions to their moral convictions. How do I do that? I just kinda flinch. I will try to remember to be good and then ignore what upsets me that people act like that person would think or know. I don't know how this could go, but I'm feeling a bit dreary. I do not want to be selfish and understand if I never meet anyone. I admit I get upset at being told not to try in ways.
Oh, I am so tired. My legs. I am falling asleep. My body is shutting down. About that last paragraph, will try. I have things I've done wrong already. They might make me upset, but I will try.. try to remember. Any help? You can post on my forum or e-mail.
To Clarify
A main point now.. I want Bella with this new person. She can be her special someone. I must admit we must all have different kinds of #1s.
Changing TV Shows for Now Maybe
Phil and Ellen.. I like seeing Ellen each day but not the movie stars.. I still like Phil, too. I might watch Cutthroat Kitchen. I dunno tho.. might go to school or work. My hobby is singing and posting online.. I need to be in, too, in what I do. I need to grow up, too. I may come back Ellen and Phil.
How I am Affected
I am hurt and allowed to tell. I am mad but trying not to be mean, but what do I get? I am not a slave and not difficult. I do not believe you have reason to follow me around in order to be mean. I do not need punishment. It's annoying and suggestive and I can talk about it. So, people, it seems like an issue. Don't tell me I am bad to say -what you did-. :( I just say what you did and I forget what else I was going to say. You seem to find negativity necessary to me.
Mean Messages
I told you not to send me these mean messages. I'm getting things rubbed in and said pervertedly..
What are you gonna do cuz I said not to send the mean messages?
I don't like thinking like this.. You keep being mean to me. You are nitpicky and make things up. You are involved in my life in a mean way.
Bugged
Someone is bugging me for what I said about Johnny Depp. I was gonna change it, but I was being honest. He did something. This person is changed. I don't mind if they don't wanna talk but they suggested I did. I can't lose people, neither. I bet it's just cuza me saying Johnny Depp did something wrong. You can't tell them to do that.. I need people to talk to, too. This person is a loss, too. Wouldn't you agree it makes no sense?
Also, I don't like suggested what they think I have to do with my dad. I am not connected to him. This was 1 big, false, mean statement someone may have all rolled into 1. Thanks so much for ruining my life, Ellen, insteada helping me out. :( I don't mean to be mean, but that's how it is. Ellen was scared of my dad and then things got worse. So, it was almost like an accident it seems.
This is all very suggestive. I don't want it to be just my dad on the other end, too. I do not know who all did it. I think it's not nice to act like I was the one who was nasty. I did not deserve to need to be sheltered!
I don't know if I said anything wrong..
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